Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
