Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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