Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
