You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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