i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
