I just gift wrapped bread.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
