Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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