I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Your tits are I can't wait for
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
