hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
