i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Let's get the cat blown out
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
