Swine flu. Run for my life!
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
