I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
