I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
