Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
