yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You can't just leave with hair like that
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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