The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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