The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
