This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
