I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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