apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
this just has baby written all over it
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
How does one acquire holy water?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
