That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
