i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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