that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
