You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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