are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
