i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
