I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Boobs speak an international language.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
