I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
