there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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