So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
