I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She told me I should be a condom model.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize