My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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