I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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