I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
