I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
