If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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