You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
