i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
