Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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