i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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