I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Sorry my hands just texted you
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
