I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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