My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
