I got chris browned last night
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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