i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
