I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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