Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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