btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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