I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
