I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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