Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
