Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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