he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
